Week 36: OFFL Cup Semi Final Draw

Alun Edwards makes a last desperate attempt to get himself in the running for the number 1 spot by becoming this week's Manager of the Week.  Indeed, his Radnorshire Tigers notched up a very impressive 48 points leaving only 27 between themselves and Inter Milandrover.

This of course means Stay Poyet Stay!, now in fourth, is in all probability, out of the race.  Manager Nick Reed is said to be recovering in hospital.

The game is also, in all probability, up for Gavin Ward's Wardy's Wanderers who lost 10 points worth of ground to thirty-fourth place, It's A Snickers. Ashley Keeler, Manager of the Snickers, was last seen fist-pumping the air.

Up five, Rs T-boy. Up four, Shivam's Sneakers.  Down four...

Minty, how did you manage that score?

Happy Birthday to Neil Jukes last week by the way.  Mid-table mediocrity is the only present you'll be getting this year.

So, with only a 10 point gap at the top, it's still all to play for.  As is...

========================
The OFFL Cup Semi Finals
------------------------


Radnorshire Tigers v Shamone Muddy Funksters
Lashings of Cheese v BM Mingmongs

to be played Wk 37

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             52.8 27 451
 2 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       55.0 20 441
 3 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        53.7 48 424
 4 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.4 20 413
 5 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.8 20 394
 6 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 53.7 15 373
 7 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      53.8 11 372
 8 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          55.0 32 370
 9 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 28 364
10 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      53.6  8 362

11 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 20 352
12 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 28 340
13 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          53.8 16 339
14 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  7 338
15 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  0 335
16 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 16 326
17 Moobchester United     Jon King            52.4 23 322
18 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.3 14 320
18 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  6 320
20 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8 15 315
20 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 29 315
22 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 18 309
23 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       55.0 41 303
24 Irishpool              Mike Smears         53.1 22 289
25 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9 17 288
25 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0 21 288
27 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0 14 285
28 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2 19 283
29 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8 24 265
30 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 17 255
30 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 12 255
32 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 15 248
33 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0 21 241
34 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 23 238
35 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5 13 212




                          Week's Average Points        19
                          Total Average Points        324

Week 34: 400 Points

Smasher, caressing his way to the tip I mean top

It's taken some weeks of jiggery pokery in the transfer market but Inter Milandrover have finally managed to pinch, poach and caress the number one spot from Norma Snockers.  Could it be this year, THIS YEAR, that the ever-present, under-rewarded Inter Milandrover nick the title in the last few weeks?

Well, clearly we can't actually answer that question until the season finishes but it wasted an opening paragraph that upstaged the real news which is that Alun Edwards has ONCE AGAIN become Manager of the Week!  His Tigers notched up 19 points.  MORE than any other team.

I don't know what this unnecessary capitalisation is all about either.

SO, to the cup.

TO THE CUP! [better]

=====================
OFFL Cup Third Round
---------------------
Quarter Finals, Wk35


      BM Mingmongs v Stay Poyet Stay!
Chi'Knees Czechers v Shamone Muddy Funksters
Lashings of Cheese v Phillham
   Double's United v Radnorshire Tigers
 
Interesting to see that the two Czech boys are still in the [egg] hunt.  And they'd do a better job of it for a cheaper price and be happier for it too, I can tell you.

Also interesting to note that you will have no time to make any transfers for this round.  That was generous of the Chairman, wasn't it?




T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             52.8 18 405
 2 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 10 402
 3 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.4 17 376
 4 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        53.7 19 354
 5 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.8 11 350
 6 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 53.7  2 340
 7 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      53.8  9 331
 8 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 11 328
 9 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      53.6 16 325
10 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 -1 322

11 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          55.0  6 319
12 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  6 315
13 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 11 314
14 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          53.8  0 307
15 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 15 306
16 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 14 301
17 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9 11 298
18 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.3 10 295
19 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8  6 293
20 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 15 284
21 Moobchester United     Jon King            52.4 14 282
22 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  1 280
23 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2 11 262
24 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9 -1 260
25 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0 11 259
26 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0  2 256
27 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.0 12 251
28 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       55.0  5 250
29 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8 13 233
30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0  5 232
31 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7  9 231
32 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5  9 221
33 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0 13 212
34 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9  9 205
35 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  0 189




                          Week's Average Points         9
                          Total Average Points        291

Week 32: Chasing Norma Snockers

Norma Snockers

Inter Milandrover's constant pursuit of Norma Snockers shows Smasher greedily closing in on the lovely Ms Bingham.  If you listen carefully you can hear him huffily breathe on his already-cupped hands to warm them in anticipation.

And while Smasher tries to be a top boy, It's A Snickers do nothing to quash the rumours that manager Ashley wants to be a Bottom Boy as he decides to change his team around the very week they score a healthily enormous score of 24 points.

Manager of the Week this week again... is Alun Edwards.  With some very Gylfull tactics he's pushed his team into a 36 point weekly haul. That's mahoosive.  Well, it is for most of you.

Inter Milandrover is chasing

And finally, we, here at Studmarks, have noticed that all top ten teams have tip-toed past the 300 point mark. And when one considers that last season's Champions won the League with 422 points, this season must be coming to an end soon.  Surely?

Rick Beecroft.  Eye. Ball. The. Off.




T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 19 386
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.2 28 369
 3 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.4 13 342
 4 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 53.7 18 341
 5 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        53.8 15 330
 6 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        53.7 36 322
 7 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  8 318
 8 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      53.8 22 317
 9 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1 19 314
10 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.1 12 305

11 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          53.8 12 304
12 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0  6 299
13 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 27 298
13 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          55.0 23 298
15 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9 16 287
16 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 10 282
17 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2 13 280
18 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 12 278
19 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8 22 277
20 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.3 12 274
21 Moobchester United     Jon King            52.4 18 264
22 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0  9 259
23 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9 15 256
24 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0 13 249
25 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2 11 248
26 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       55.0  1 245
27 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0 11 237
28 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.0 10 235
29 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7  8 222
30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 20 219
31 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8 14 214
32 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 15 208
33 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  3 199
34 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 24 196
35 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5 11 180




                          Week's Average Points        15
                          Total Average Points        275
---

Week 27: "Feigning Handshakes" by Patrice Evra

Manager of the Week [for the third time] with a scorage of 22 points is Alun Edwards.  His Radnorshire Tigers uses the pointage to climb up two places in the league.  They're now in the magical top ten.

Meanwhile, the fight at the top hots up as Inter Milandrover makes up ground in the form of 5 points on the lead held by Norma Snockers FC.

Talking of fights, look at that bottom four! All within 13 points of each other. Can Messrs Ward and Blundell continue their catching up on Keeler and Larking? The Wooden Spoon awaits.

And while we're on the subject of losers.  Everyone take a swift peep at the weekly score of three-times Manager of the Week Winner Adriana Chittelborough.  [May OFFL Chairman teach us humility].

Second Round Draw for the OFFL Cup comes next week. It'll be announced, fixture by fixture, on Twitter, Live.

It's all so overwhelmingly exciting that we, here at OFFL HQ, have just let out a bit of wee.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7  4 327
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.9  9 301
 3 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 21 288
 4 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 53.7  0 286
 5 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           53.0 13 277
 6 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      53.8  1 268
 6 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        54.9  1 268
 8 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  4 267
 9 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0  5 266
10 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.8 22 264


11 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          53.8 12 261
12 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.1  1 257
13 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          55.0 10 244
14 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  5 243
15 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  8 238
16 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 10 237
17 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  5 236
18 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9  6 231
19 Moobchester United     Jon King            52.4 14 230
19 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.3  5 230
21 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 19 227
22 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8 13 226
23 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9 19 218
24 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0  6 214
25 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2  5 205
26 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.1 14 202
27 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       55.0  6 200
28 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  7 197
29 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 12 182
30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 12 175
31 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5  4 173
32 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.7  7 159
32 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  6 159
34 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8 12 149
35 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5 10 146


                          Week's Average Points         8
                          Total Average Points        230

Week 19: Three Managers

I know, Gary... THREE managers of the week.

There are three managers who have to share the Manager of the Week certificate this week. Yes. I said three.

What was that? Who are they? Of course. They are Dave Clayton, Rachel Jones and Alun Edwards. Their Shamone Muddy Funksters, Double's United and Radnorshire Tigers respectively all nip off with 22 points each.

Impressive, huh?

How's Wardy's Wanderers getting on?... ah.

We can see you, Edgar Rayner.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       54.7 14 205
 2 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.0  6 191
 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.8 15 186
 4 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5 19 183
 5 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2 18 181
 6 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 14 180
 7 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  7 176
 8 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        55.0 22 175
 9 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  6 173
10 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.7 18 172

11 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          53.6 20 171
12 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2 13 166
12 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 14 166
14 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7  5 164
15 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 11 162
16 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0 13 157
17 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8 22 154
18 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  0 150
18 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8 12 150
18 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0  2 150
21 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2  7 147
21 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       55.0 20 147
23 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        53.3 22 145
23 Moobchester United     Jon King            53.5 17 145
25 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9 12 144
26 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 11 133
27 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0 11 132
28 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9 12 130
29 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0 11 113
30 Irishpool              Mike Smears         55.0 15 111
31 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 16 109
32 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0 14 107
33 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.8 11  97
34 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8 14  96
35 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  0  76




                          Week's Average Points        12
                          Total Average Points        149
---

Week 11: Good Sheep, Bad Schandau

While out on a scouting mission for German talent, Our Chairman did find himself having a steamy session with a naked Dresden girl.  The naked local, who was also sitting next to her hunked-up boyfriend in the Steam Room at Bad Schandau quickly and coolly left without so much as raising an eyebrow of complaint at the awkward British repression on show. And talking of British Repression, Sheep City's Martyn Field [cough, choke] has decided to score enough points to push his team on to the top spot with Ms Bingham.

Manager of the Week with a team's score of 13 points is Alun Edwards of Radnorshire Tigers.

Everybody stare at Mike Smears... minus five.  Tut tut.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Norma Snockers FC      Sarah Bingham       53.8  7 119
 1 Sheep City             Martyn Field        54.5  8 119
 3 Shivam's Sneakers      Shivam Mehta        54.9 10 109
 4 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.6 11 104
 5 Moobchester United     Jon King            54.2  7  99
 6 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             55.0  2  95
 7 Chi'Knees Czechers     Jirka Opatrny       55.0 -3  90
 8 Decimated Left Peg     Neil Jukes          55.0  4  89
 9 Stay Poyet Stay!       Nick Reed           52.2  9  86
 9 Livercoolio            Russell Bielby      54.2  3  86
 9 Moreton United         Edgar Rayner        54.2  5  86

12 All Hail The Chairman  Rob Ivison          53.6  3  84
12 Big Mally              Malcolm Pratt       54.7 12  84
12 Shamone Muddy FunkstersDave Clayton        54.9 10  84
15 RS T-Boy               Rick Beecroft       54.1  7  82
16 The WWMC               Steve Tierney       54.2  5  79
17 Woolyback Town AFC     Guy Harewood        54.9  6  78
17 Poyekhali              Lester Clark        55.0  1  78
19 Real McDrid            Craig McHugh        55.0  0  77
20 BM Mingmongs           Neil McConaghy      54.7  2  76
20 ADFC                   Adriana Chittelboro 54.9  7  76
22 Vonder Bramen          Alan Betteridge     49.5 -1  73
23 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         54.9  5  72
24 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.8  4  71
25 Pathetic Athletic      Mark Weavers        53.7 -4  68
25 Phillham               Filip Vejdovský     54.8  5  68
27 Upmintster United      Minty Colquhoun     54.1  9  67
28 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        53.3 13  60
28 Freddie's Dreamers     Francis Fox         55.0  3  60
30 Real Mannsdid          Dan Manns           55.0  6  59
31 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.8 -2  47
32 Pompey Puss            Lionel Larking      55.0  6  46
33 Wardy's Wanderers      Gavin Ward          54.5  3  36
34 Irishpool              Mike Smears         55.0 -5  34
35 Moanchester            Alex Blundell       54.8  1  33




                          Week's Average Points         4
                          Total Average Points         76
---